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![]() ![]() This is our chance! But I’ve learned Cs don’t do this so I bite my tongue, interested to watch this human test play out. What do we do? The A inside of me is bursting with joy, we say screw em and get off, I want to scream. A man and woman wearing coordinating Vineyard Vines outfits try to push their way to front but the driver tells them to stay seated. “I PAID FOR AN UPGRADE,” echoes throughout the entire bus. And then all hell breaks loose from the back. The Cs are closest to the door and therefore will be the first off. We’re on the shuttle for less than twenty seconds when it all starts to click. I don’t fully understand what a twist of fate this is until I board the shuttle and see the ‘B’s in the middle, and the ‘A’s in the back. Everyone else is… chill? How interesting.Īfter my boarding pass is scanned and I start to make my trek to the plane I feel a gust of hot air and I realize something different is going on.ĭue to construction, we have to be shuttled to our plane, and then will board directly from the outside. ![]() When it’s finally our time to line up I jump to my feet like I usually do, ready to throw some bows to get my correct spot, but I quickly notice I’m the only one with an aggressive fury in my eyes. A woman tosses her soda in the trash next to me and it splashes back in my face and I barely wipe it away. ![]() The C group waits for what feels like hours. Next up it’s the Bs, the group that wants to be A, but are also happy not to be C. I think the Duggars were having a family reunion at Cabo Wabo. The family boarders line up next and I lose count at 97 strollers. The A group is traditionally the most pushy, which makes sense because they’re obviously the people who care most about getting on the plane first. We become a bunch of preschoolers, anxious to be first in line so we can choose the coveted seats and be the first to get our little juice and cracker snack. I hear a few of the ‘A’s squabble about their place in line, one person is certain the other should be one spot behind them, and I’m reminded how the airport shows our true colors. Forget my bin seat, I’ll be lucky to get a seat in the bathroom. I have to keep my eyes focused on my feet or I’ll go insane seeing that many people board before me. The A group lines up and everyone seems particularly pushy today, the flight is already 30 minutes late. What matters is that I always carry on and now I’m sure there won’t be any bin space and even if there is I’ll probably have to crawl in it because this plane looks full and I am screwed. But it’s my own fault because I forgot to check in… perhaps my wifi wasn’t working, or perhaps I was having beers on the beach. I’m always anxious at the airport but today is even worse because I have a C boarding pass and I won’t deny I’m upset about it. Unless… it’s this one magical day when for some reason the heavens opened up and smiled on the C group and decided to give the most chill group of all, a little leg up. The plane is their oyster and they know it. ![]() They flaunt their numbers with each other, A1-A60, as they take their place in line, tossing pitiful looks at the Bs and Cs (gasp) who are hanging in the background like a bunch of dopes. There’s a certain pretension that fills the air when the ‘A’s line up to board. But every once in awhile (or when the plane is pretty empty) you get rewarded for your punctuality and get a magic A 16 the first number after the business boarders. To get an A you can pay more (of course) or try your luck at checking in exactly 24 hours before a flight, but this is tricky because the person who runs the Southwest app likes to screw with you by throwing a bunch of unexpected errors your way just to get their kicks, I assume. B seats= second group, right after the family boarders, woof (no offense, families.) And C boarding= you’re shit out of luck. To clarify, an A seat = one of the first to board. She would throw me in front of a bus to get an A seat and I wouldn’t blame her for it because I’d do the same. And undoubtedly, my mother Sandy will win the first gold someday. If you’re not familiar with Southwest Airlines, it’s open boarding- which means there are no assigned seats, which means it could probably be its own sport in the Olympics. Inspired by an actual Southwest flight from Cabo San Lucas to Chicago. ![]()
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